Dr. Torres, the interim provider covering for Dr. Davis, had a chance to review my care. We showed up calmly, respectfully, and ready to ask questions. She made it clear she wasn’t comfortable making any changes to my pain medication — not because there was a clinical reason, but because, in her words, she’s “never had a patient on this much opioid” and didn’t feel it was her place.

And then she said something remarkable. She told us that according to the pain management note (Who I had met with a few days prior), a dose increase of 5–10mg of oxycodone might actually be appropriate if Butrans is reduced or removed. She even acknowledged this might help me. But when asked to document why she personally wouldn’t support the increase, she dodged the question entirely.

Meanwhile, she’d already spoken to pain pharmacist Dr. Mariya Kotova. And what was the reasoning Mariya offered against increasing my dose? Not safety. Not addiction. No, it was: “Where does it end?”

That’s not medicine. That’s fear-based policy rhetoric. That’s hand-wringing dressed up as clinical judgment. The real question should be: where does untreated pain end? Does it end when I black out again from a medication I don’t tolerate? When I’m forced into another spinal fusion? When I can’t care for my kids? That’s the real harm here.

I’ve been on this journey for a long time. I’ve tried everything they’ve asked — from physical therapy, to gabapentin, to dangerous buprenorphine trials that nearly sent me to the ER that I am still on to this day. I’ve taken every recommended step. But still, I’m met with fear, excuses, and vague warnings that increasing my functional medication is “too risky.” Even when the alternative is doing nothing — or worse, continuing a medication that causes dangerous blood pressure drops.

We deserve better. Chronic pain patients deserve individualized care, not slogans. I’m not asking for a miracle, I’m asking for common sense.

To Dr. Kotova: if you’re going to ask “where does it end,” you better be ready to answer that same question about pain, neglect, and the harm your policies cause.

Want to know more? Read the full story and history of our fight at: https://therealopioidcrisis.com/